


Even Archangels Have Regrets

by cosmic_marigolds



Series: Of Fallen Angels and the Sort [2]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Angst, Crowley Was Raphael Before He Fell (Good Omens), Crowley is Raphael, Fallen Angels, Hurt, M/M, Nightmares, Other, gabriel needs a goddamn vacation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-07
Updated: 2019-08-07
Packaged: 2020-08-11 06:03:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20148853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cosmic_marigolds/pseuds/cosmic_marigolds
Summary: Gabriel, tired for the first time in his being, dreams of a time before the earth was created... back when he was with a certain angel named Raphael





	Even Archangels Have Regrets

**Author's Note:**

> This took me forever and it's hella out of character for Gabriel but ya know what? We're here for a good time, not a long time.

Now, as a general fact, angels and demons do not sleep. They don’t need to. And at this point in the game, Gabriel wasn’t going to start now.

But after the Not-So-Great War and the failed trial of Aziraphale, Gabriel felt something he had never felt in his entire being.

Tired. Bone tired.

He sat slumped at his desk, his head in his hands, just staring at the white wood of his desktop. Many of the other archangels wanted to go back after Aziraphale, see what they could do to him to punish him for his interference, but Gabriel stopped them. He had already spoken to the Almighty, and She had not been very happy with the trial that took place

“YOU DID _WHAT?!_” her voice had boomed, almost knocking Gabriel to the ground

“But he-he,” Gabriel tried to regain his composure, but God was not happy.

“I DON’T CARE WHAT HE DID,” God stated. If she had a face, her expression probably would have killed Gabriel, as the old saying goes (you know the one).

“He had to be punished, the Great Plan, it’s writ—”

“I KNOW WHAT WAS WRITTEN, GABRIEL,” She fumed “I’M THE ONE WHO WROTE IT. BUT YOU DON’T GO THROWING ANGELS INTO HELLFIRE FOR AT LEAST TRYING TO DO WHAT’S RIGHT BY MY CREATION, DO YOU?”

Gabriel really didn’t know how to answer that question, but his lip quivered.

“BUT… YOU DON’T CAST ANGELS OUT OF HEAVEN FOR TRYING TO DO THEIR JOB EITHER… PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER GABRIEL, AND JUST LEAVE THEM ALONE… NOW PLEASE GET OFF MY FLOOR AND GET OUT OF MY OFFICE”

And that had been that on the matter, and the archangels were not allowed to try and go after Aziraphale again.

The other reason Gabriel had for stopping the pursuit of Aziraphale and Crowley was entirely selfish. When he had looked into Aziraphale’s eyes before he stepped into the hellfire, there was a familiar twinkle in his eye.

One he hadn’t seen that up close in a long time.

So, when he realized Crowley wasn’t going to let them hurt Aziraphale, he had to step back. He was one demon Gabriel didn’t feel like messing with.

And he owed it to him after all this time.

Suddenly, Gabriel’s eyes flitted shut, and he felt a strange sensation take hold as he fell asleep.

…

“Your boyfriend has been spending quite a bit of time with Lucifer, Gabriel”

Gabriel looked up to see Michael, Uriel and Sandalphon standing over him. It had been Michael who had spoken, hands on her hips and an indignant look upon her face.

“He’s allowed to spend time with whoever he wants,” Gabriel defended. But deep down, it stung a little. Seeing the two together really hurt, even though Raphael insisted they were just friends, he didn’t like the way Lucifer looked at him, or the way he touched Raphael especially when Gabriel was looking and could notice how uncomfortable it made Raphael. But, he didn’t want to push Raphael away by telling him who he should and shouldn’t be with.

_I should have kept him from you_

“Haven’t you heard the rumors?” Uriel chimed in, cocking their head to the side “Lucifer’s trying to rally a bunch of angels,”

Gabriel hadn’t heard such rumors “What would he do that for?”

“Beats me,” Sandalphon shrugged “I always thought he was a bit of a nutter. But so are all the others who are going along with his nonsense”

“Which is why,” Michael shoved a finger in Gabriel’s chest “You should tell Raphael to be a little more careful with the company he keeps. Especially since he’s already on thin ice”

Gabriel’s brow knitted in confusion. “Why?”

“He asks so many questions” Michael pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration “And while it’s quite infuriating, he’s crossing over into dangerous territory by asking what he’s asking”

Gabriel frowned. “He’s just a little curious. But, if it will make you feel better, I will talk to him”

_I shouldn’t have let them get to me…_

Later, Gabriel runs into Raphael “Hey, can I talk to you?” he asked, concern rising in his violet eyes.

“Gabriel? What’s wrong?”

Gabriel grabbed Raphael’s hands, and a small wave of comfort and relief swept over both of them. Their hands fit so well together.

“Listen, there have been a lot of rumors flying around…” Gabriel started

“…Rumors?” Raphael questioned, lacing his fingers in with Gabriel’s.

“Lucifer’s planning some sort of rebellion, trying to rally against the Almighty… you aren’t a part of that, are you?”

Raphael was quiet. “I mean,” he weakly started “He said he would have answers”

_I shouldn’t have gotten so mad_

Gabriel fumed “You’re working WITH HIM?! What is the matter with you?!”

_I shouldn’t have raised my voice_

Raphael pulled away, crossing his arms “What’s the matter with me?! Why is SHE hoarding all the knowledge from her subjects?! We deserve to know as much—”

“But not like this!” Gabriel grabbed Raphael’s shoulders, hard. Hard enough to leave bruises if either of them had a corporeal form. “You can’t just-you’re going against all of your friends, your family—”

“They’re not my family!” Raphael tried to pull away, but Gabriel held him fast “I know what they whisper about me behind my back, Gabriel, I’m not stupid.”

“Well what about me?” Gabriel tried to keep his voice from breaking, but to no avail “You’d turn your back on me, after everything? And for what? For _him_?”

“Don’t—” Raphael warned.

“You think he’s just going to give you all the answers once he wins, he’s using you—!”

“Gabriel—”

_Stop, stop, stop. Why didn’t I stop?_

“I’ve seen your face when he touches you, you don’t even like him! You’re just going along with him because you can’t keep your nose out of anyone’s—"

A hard smack echoed through the space, and Gabriel brought a hand away from Raphael’s shoulder to touch his tender cheek.

“You were the one who always told me that knowledge was a good thing! That knowledge makes us free. That’s what She always said and that’s what you told me, but how are we supposed to be free if She won’t give us the knowledge She’s promising?”

Raphael was sobbing now, and Gabriel was close to tears himself.

“I thought you of all people would understand…”

Raphael turned around and walked away from Gabriel.

_I should have gone after you. I should have said I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said—_

“Fine then, go!” Gabriel shouted after him “But when it all goes to shit, don’t expect me to drag you out of it!”

_Why did I let you walk away? Why did I say that? Why didn’t I just take him away from all of it?_

_I was scared… but so were you…_

_Then Gabriel saw it. The day it happened. The day they were cast out. All of them falling in a cacophony of Hellish screams and cloud of sulfur and ash._

_And there was Raphael._

_Pleading._

_“All I ever wanted was to know…”_

_His gold eyes fixed on Gabriel’s one last time. Gabriel wanted to reach out to him, to plead the Almighty to show him mercy, ‘let me go in his place’ he wanted to say…_

_“Just shut your stupid face, and die already”_

_He hadn’t said that in that moment, but he had said it to him. He should have never said it. Suddenly the sky went black and red and everything began to burn and crumble around him. He looked out and he realized he was in a bookshop, the smell of smoldering books and the sound of crumbling wood engulfed him, before he heard a voice call out._

_“AZIRAPHALE! WHERE THE HEAVEN ARE YOU?!”_

_Crowley?_

_“WHERE ARE YOU, YOU BLESSED IDIOT?!”_

_Crowley, I’m right here._

_“He’s gone…”_

_No, I’m right here._

_“Somebody’s killed my best friend…”_

_Crowley, please look at me._

_Crowley looked up, and his eyes caught Gabriel’s through the blaze, contempt burning in his eyes._

_…_

Gabriel woke up, and if he could, he would have been in a cold sweat. He didn’t know how long he had been asleep or why he had even fallen asleep, but he knew it hadn’t made him feel any better.

“Shit…” he mumbled.

He got up and left his office, only to be bombarded by Sandalphon and Michael, who had been waiting outside his office for who-knows-how-long.

“Gabriel, we need to talk” Michael began, but Gabriel held his hand up and began to walk away, but Michael and Sandalphon followed him.

“I’m really not in the mood to talk”

“Well, then you can just listen,” Michael spoke indignantly “We have to do something about Aziraphale, we can’t just let him get away with his insubordination—”

“The Almighty made it clear,” Gabriel huffed “His ‘punishment’ is that he’s banished to Earth, so by all accounts, he’s already been punished”

“It’s not punishment if he enjoys it,” Sandalphon spat coolly.

“We can’t just have him running amok on Earth! Can you imagine what he and that _demon_ could—”

Gabriel finally stopped and turned to Michael and Sandalphon.

“What exactly do you think he’s going to do? He’s not coming back, and there’s not any sort of war coming any time soon, and if it does, he’s another adversary,” Gabriel hissed, fuming.

“So,” Michael tapped her foot, incensed at his answer “we’re just going to let him go?”

“Yea,” Gabriel shot back “And that’s an order from God her-fucking-self, so why don’t you go bother her?”

With that, Gabriel turned on his heel, and walked away.

He needed to get away from Heaven for a bit.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed this! I'm going to post as much as I can, I'm currently looking for a freelance writing job. Remember you can always follow me on tumblr at @sewritesplays (for my writing) or @cosmic-marigolds(personal/fandom nonsense). Also, I'll have a website by the end of the week so yeet.


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